Groucho Marx Quotes

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx 



Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
Groucho Marx 



Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx 



I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx 



I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Groucho Marx



A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Groucho Marx



Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx 


Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
Groucho Marx



All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
Groucho Marx



The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx



I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Groucho Marx 



A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
Groucho Marx 



Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Groucho Marx



She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Groucho Marx 



I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
Groucho Marx



I intend to live forever, or die trying.
Groucho Marx 



Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Groucho Marx