Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Phyllis Diller
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
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